Newsprint makes a fun noise when you thrash it about:
What? No one's using it. If I could get in this box, I would. Just sayin'
Well that would be Mommy's new fig tree, courtesy of Aunt Miriam! It's a black mission fig, which is code for CrackCrackCrack!!! Mommy's a tad excited. Aunt Miriam also sent a beautiful pair of flowering plants to liven up Mommy's winter houseplants.